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Yous and your ex may have parted on bad terms and have not spoken for a while. While you are not interested in getting back together with them romantically, you may exist interested in reconnecting as friends. While being friends with your ex tin can often be complicated, being clear virtually your intentions from the start tin assist establish adept emotional boundaries. Get in touch with your ex and make sure they are willing to try to strike upward a friendship. Arrange for a meeting if possible. So, if all goes well, figure out how yous would like to stay in touch with each other. While it may have work and may sometimes feel bad-mannered, peculiarly at the showtime, rebuilding a friendship with your ex is possible if both of you are set up to work on information technology.[1]

  1. i

    Brand sure you are clear about your own motives. Think nearly your reasons for wanting to talk to your ex, and be certain that it is but because you want to pursue a friendship. Exist confident that your ex is the kind of person you lot desire to be friends with, also.[2]

    • Think about what kind of friendship you lot want with your ex. Do you want to exist able to hang out together, merely the 2 of you, or do you desire to exist able to exist friendly with your ex in a group of common friends? Or exercise you just want to experience comfortable proverb hullo to them and liking their pictures on social media?
    • Think about how your ex treated their other friends and brand sure they are a good friend to others. For example, if you always idea your ex used friends for their ain gains, it's probably non worth information technology to develop a friendship.
    • More importantly, call up about how your ex treated you lot. There's a reason you and your ex dissever. If it was because they didn't care for you lot well, then it'southward best to get out them in the past.
    • Y'all may want to run this idea past friends and family unit members who know your ex. They may be able to provide some insight and help y'all decide if it's a good idea to pursue a friendship.

  2. 2

    Exist prepared to tell them what you lot want upwards forepart. When you lot are preparing to talk to your ex, brand sure you remember about how yous want to conspicuously communicate your desire for a friendship. Y'all do not want let your ex think you are interested in anything more than.[3]

    • For case, recollect about saying something like, "I have missed being in touch with you and have been remembering how much fun we had together as friends. I hope we could exist friends again, though I want to be clear that a friendship is all that I want."

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  3. iii

    Write a letter or electronic mail. If yous are nervous near your ex'south reaction, you might feel ameliorate nigh getting in touch with them via electronic mail or letter. Writing a letter of the alphabet lets yous spend as much time as you demand getting your words just the mode yous desire them, and you can also say everything you demand to say without worrying about being interrupted or argued with.[iv]

    • You could brainstorm your letter, "I am certain yous are surprised to exist hearing from me. I know we parted on bad terms, and I repent for that. I accept been thinking lately almost how much our friendship meant to me, and how much I miss information technology. I am hoping we can reconnect as friends."
    • Proceed in mind that you may demand to be patient well-nigh hearing dorsum from your ex. Information technology may take them a few days to etch a letter in response. They could also make up one's mind to call or text you lot if you indicate they tin in your letter.
    • Your ex may also not respond to you. If they practice not, you may demand to decide whether or not to let it go, or endeavor to get in bear on with them in a different way.

  4. iv

    Call. If you lot still accept your ex'due south number, it might exist easiest to give them a call. Your ex will probably exist wondering why you are calling, so you may want to be ready to let them know yous are looking to reconnect with them before long into the conversation.

    • You might desire to spend some fourth dimension thinking about what you want to say beforehand. For example, you could say, "I have been thinking about you lot recently, and I really miss our friendship. I was hoping we could get together sometime and catch up, and maybe try to be friends over again."
    • Your ex may non want to answer your call, and so exist prepared to go out a voicemail. Practice what you desire to say beforehand. Y'all could say something like, "How-do-you-do Mina, it's Heather. I know seeing my phone number was probably unexpected, and I don't blame you for not picking up. Simply I was calling to see how yous are and was hoping we could talk onetime. I miss having yous in my life every bit a friend and was hoping you lot'd be open to being friends once again. Please call me dorsum erstwhile."
    • Don't call when you've been drinking. Don't brand them think this is a drunk-dial situation, because they will not take your request for friendship seriously.[5]

  5. v

    Achieve out on social media. If you lot are still friends with your ex on your social media accounts, attempt individual messaging them through the platform they utilize the virtually. Keep your conversation friendly and run into if they would like to catch upwards in person.

    • You could post a bulletin publicly, but keep it curt and generic. Don't rehash your relationship where other people tin read your conversation. You could say something like, "Hey Chris! I hope you are doing well!" If your ex responds, you could switch to a private message to continue your conversation.

  6. 6

    Avoid surprising them in person. Don't bear witness up at their school or work and inquire to be friends out of nowhere, for example. That volition scare them off. Reach out through other channels first, to give your ex a chance to think about how they would like to respond.

    • If you lot happen to bump into them by gamble, you could say, "Wow, information technology's good to see you lot! I would love to catch up onetime if you're open up to information technology. Could I text y'all sometime?" Avert a major conversation before they have the chance to consider if they'd like to have y'all back in their life.

  7. 7

    Repent if necessary. If you and your ex parted ways poorly, and you played a role in the bad ending, be sure to apologize early on on for your role in the breakup. It may be difficult to have a meaningful friendship without an acknowledgement of your wrongdoing.[6]

    • You could say, "I know we had a really bad ending, and I am so sorry for how we parted means. I hope we can get by it and eventually be friends again. Information technology would be dainty to talk most it in person, if y'all're willing."
    • Follow up with a more than in-depth apology and chat when you see your ex.

  8. viii

    Accept their decision. They may not want to reconnect with you, and they may or may not provide you with reasons why they don't want to. Accept their choice with understanding and without demanding an explanation.

    • Keep in listen that they may non respond to any forms of communication.
    • Your ex may be comfortable talking to y'all online, for example, but may non be interested in seeing you in person. Accept that and piece of work to rekindle your friendship through the boundaries your ex sets. Keep the door open up for a potential contiguous meeting in the future.
    • If your ex responds with a bulletin that conveys they are not interested in talking to you, you could say, "I'm deplorable to hear that, but I understand. I know how difficult things were for united states at the terminate, and I get it if you still are hurt. I wish y'all all the best."

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  1. 1

    Have a coincidental meeting. Get together for java or lunch at a casual, not-romantic place. Treat your coming together equally but that: a coming together. It's not a engagement, no matter how much it may feel similar one.

    • If the place you are meeting serves alcohol, don't drinkable at all or limit yourself to 1 potable. Too many drinks could impair your judgment with your ex.[7]
    • Drive separately to your meeting place.
    • Don't encounter at your house or your ex's house. Beingness alone together could lead to more, and you are only interested in friendship.[eight]

  2. two

    Limit your physical contact. You don't want to await similar you are coming on to your ex. A handshake, a hug, or a peck on the cheek are all appropriate, but don't have it across that. You exercise non want to betoken to your ex that you are interested in annihilation more than than a friendship.[9]

    • If your ex tries anything that you lot are not comfortable with, get physical altitude betwixt the two of yous and allow them know you are non interested. Yous could say, "John, I just wanted to get together and then nosotros could grab up, but I'g not interested in rekindling a human relationship. I know it's piece of cake to fall into onetime habits, just I merely don't desire to become downward that route once again."

  3. 3

    Catch upwardly on each other's lives. Ask what your ex has been doing and if they have anything new to report. Share your own updates as well.

    • Be a skilful listener and inquire a lot of questions about your ex'due south life, family, chore, and interests. Don't monopolize the chat.
    • If you run out of things to talk almost in your own lives, you tin e'er talk nearly current events, recent movies you've seen, or sports you both follow.[10]
    • Understand that the conversation might be bad-mannered at get-go. Be patient. The two of you haven't talked to each other for a while, and information technology may feel uncomfortable, especially if y'all parted on a bad notation.

  4. 4

    Keep information technology light. The starting time time you encounter upwards again, it may non be appropriate to delve too deeply into the past, beyond apologizing for hurting each other. Think virtually this meeting as taking a step into a new futurity, and non a rehashing of pain from the by.[xi]

    • Don't bring up old fights. Don't bring upward sentimental memories. There may exist a time and place for this later, but not at your first meeting.
    • Yous may wish to offer a more formal apology for whatsoever pain yous caused during your relationship. You could say something like, "I know I said this earlier when we starting time started texting, simply I did desire to apologize in person for how our human relationship ended. I know I said some mean things, and I hurt you. I hope we can motility on and build a friendship."

  5. 5

    Keep information technology friendly. While it may experience easy and comfortable to slip back into old habits of your romantic human relationship, avoid going down that road. Don't call your ex by their old pet names or bring up old within jokes, or anything else personal from your relationship.[12]

    • Former emotions may unexpectedly surface when y'all see your ex in person. If you detect yourself getting emotional or feeling overwhelmed, excuse yourself to the bath and take some deep breaths.
    • Resist whatsoever temptations to exist romantic with your ex, whether it is flirtatious or concrete. Remember that your goal is only to reconnect with your ex as a friend.

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  1. 1

    Keep in touch. If your meeting went well and both of you lot seem interested in seeing each other again every bit friends, you lot could propose you communicate on a more than frequent basis. Spend some time discussing what you would like to practise going forwards.[13]

    • Agree on a level of contact that both of you are comfy with. For instance, you may decide that meeting upwards in person probably wouldn't be viable, but that you lot both are willing to continue talking over social media.
    • If both of you lot are willing to meet up again, plan some other fourth dimension to assemble. If yous share common friends, consider including some of them then it feels less like a date. Y'all could say, "Do you want to get some friends together to go bowling sometime?"

  2. 2

    Take your time. Don't leap right back into a friendship. But because you and your ex are talking again doesn't hateful you should smother them with invitations to assemble and contact them all the time. Rely on your usual circumvolve of friends for your social activities.[fourteen]

    • Check in with your ex occasionally and chat, whether it's online, on the phone, or via text.
    • Invite them somewhere if the outing seems like a good fit. For example, your mutual friend is coming to town for a visit and you want to get friends together to get out to dinner to celebrate, or you share a mutual dearest of an artist who is having a gallery opening.

  3. 3

    Consider whether or not you lot want to talk most the past. You may desire to let bygones be bygones and move on, or you may find value in debriefing your human relationship. Come to an agreement with your ex nigh whether you want to exist open to talking about it or not.[15]

    • If you exercise make up one's mind you want to talk about your human relationship, brand sure you are in a place where y'all accept some perspective nigh the relationship and don't experience emotional when talking about information technology.[xvi]
    • If yous and your ex have decided you're comfortable talking about information technology, you could enquire something like, "Why practise you think our relationship ended so desperately when we were a pretty good couple otherwise?" or "If you lot could exercise information technology over once again, what would yous practise differently in our human relationship? I think I would have shared my feelings with you more. I was pretty closed off."
    • This may provide a proficient opportunity for y'all to learn from past mistakes and exercise things differently in your side by side relationship.[17]

  4. four

    Exist honest if you are having romantic feelings towards them. If you find yourself becoming attracted to your ex as the two of you are hanging out, be honest. Accept a conversation nigh your feelings before flirting or acting on any of them. Make sure your ex follows the aforementioned rules.[18]

    • You could say, "Mark, I have to exist honest. I accept been feeling really attracted to you lately, just like the beginning of our relationship all over over again. I wanted to tell you lot this because I know we agreed nosotros would only be friends. What do you think?"
    • If your ex seems similar they are behaving flirtatiously with you lot, consider calling them out on information technology. You could say, "Melissa, what's up? I feel similar you have had your hands all over me all night!"

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